Have you ever sensed an adversarial, “us vs. them” mentality from employees of service organizations?

Perhaps you were on the receiving end of what you would describe as rude or abusive behavior? Or perhaps it was more subtle—like dismissive body language or an exasperated sigh? Maybe it did not even involve you and was just something you overheard or observed?

Just last month I witnessed a supermarket employee chastise a customer in the store’s parking lot. When the customer failed to return his shopping cart to a designated cart collection area, the employee called out sarcastically, “Excuse me. That’s not where the cart goes!”

I get it. I know that supermarkets provide signage and make it relatively easy for customers to return their shopping carts to designated areas throughout the parking lot. And most customers cooperate and return the carts as requested. But a few customers do not for a variety of reasons: they have young children in the car, it’s raining, they’re in a hurry, etc.

Why is this employee competing with his customer regarding whose responsibility it is to properly secure the shopping cart? That’s an argument he will never win. After all, it’s his job to collect and return the shopping carts. That’s what he’s paid to do!

The customer’s only obligation is to pay for his groceries. And we can assume he’s done that. Instead of being admonished, he should be appreciated.

Last baseball season I was having lunch at one of the downtown sports bars in Lodo, across the street from Coors Field in Denver. As the game got underway, the restaurant quickly emptied as fans left for the ballpark.

About that time, three couples entered the bar and seated themselves at one of the many available tables towards the front of the bar. I noticed they were carrying burritos they likely bought from one of the many vendors selling food on the streets of Lodo prior to the Rockies game.

Within a few minutes the group was confronted by a server who said, “You can’t eat those in here.”

One of the guests, attempting to reason with the server, said, “We’re planning to order some beers and watch the game.”

The server reprimanded the group saying, “You’re not allowed to bring food into the restaurant—even if you order something to drink.”

From that point on, I was unable to make out what either party said because the comments were mostly under their breath. I can, however, attest that neither party appreciated the other and the group spent no money at the bar that day—and perhaps never will.

Now, I know that restaurants are in the business of selling food and that if every customer brought in his own food, then the restaurant would suffer. And most restaurants likely have formal policies against such “breaches of trade.”

Still, why the jousting? Is there another way the server could have handled this situation that would have resulted in a different outcome—one that might have benefited the guests, server, and establishment?

A few years ago, I was seated in the boarding area at Dulles International Airport awaiting my fate as a standby passenger on the last nonstop flight to Denver. About ten minutes after the last passenger boarded, my name was called and I was given a seat assignment and permitted to board the plane.

As I was the last passenger to board, all eyes were on me as I struggled to find space for my garment bag in the overhead bin. Just then, one of the flight attendants called down the aisle, “Ladies and gentlemen, we can only depart when this man is seated.”

She seemed to relish in using a perverse form of peer pressure to motivate me to quickly stow my bag and be seated. As I had yet to make any friends on the flight—and weary airline passengers can be quite ruthless—I settled into a most uncomfortable center seat for the ride home.

Again, I get the airline’s policy requiring all passengers to be seated with seat belts secured prior to departure but couldn’t this flight attendant have found a way to communicate this message without publicly admonishing her customer?

Always compete for customers, not against them. You’ve probably heard the saying: “You never win an argument with a customer.” It’s true. Even if you have signage to point to or a policy to reference, if you offend a customer then you lose—maybe a little or maybe a lot.

The next time that you draw a line in the sand between you and your customers, consider inviting them to cross the line. That way, you can be on the same side.

How about you? What is your experience or example?

I recently stayed at a full-service hotel in Scottsdale that offered a nice workout facility with treadmills and stationary bikes that faced a set of wall-mounted flat screen televisions. The audio for each television was accessed individually at the exercise equipment in order for each guest to listen to his/her preferred channel. To access the audio, one needed headphones that could be obtained at the front desk.

One evening, while I was awaiting a colleague in the lobby, I overheard a conversation between a front desk representative and a hotel guest. The guest had gone to the workout facility and realized that he needed headphones in order to access the audio of the television channel he had selected. When he asked for a set of headphones, the representative said, “I’ll need a photo ID in order to hand out the headphones.”

Now, think about the realities of this situation. You have a guest who’s paying about $200 to stay in the hotel for the night, who has likely spent the day working and/or traveling to Scottsdale, and who is probably looking forward to a workout before facing another long day in the morning. The guest has changed from his work clothes into shorts and a t-shirt and has left his car keys, driver’s license, wallet, etc. in his hotel room.

The guest explains that, under the circumstances, he does not have a photo ID with him and offered his name and room number in addition to showing the representative his room key. The rep held firm to policy saying, “Our policy requires a photo ID in order to give out headsets. We’ve lost a lot of them in the past.”

Now examine her response. Several things caught my attention:

1.) The word “policy” is contradictory to good service. Customers do not want to hear about policies that stand between them and what they want. Sure, there are necessary policies. For instance, those intended to address legal, ethical, and safety concerns. It’s also advisable to have policies in place to protect the company’s assets (as in this case, involving the headphones).

That said, let’s consider the math in this illustration and see if we can identify the real asset. How much for a set of headphones—like the ones the airlines offer free of charge? I just checked on-line and found a set of Coby Ultra-Lightweight Stereo Headphones for $4.79—and that’s if I only bought one set. In quantity they’re even cheaper.

Now, let’s try and get past how difficult customers are when they fail to adhere to our policies and take an objective look at what this customer represents in financial terms:

At $200 per night (assuming no ancillary revenue from in-room services, food and beverage, gift shop sales, etc.), after you deduct the costs of preparing the room, in-room amenities, etc., you can figure the hotel captured around $125 in gross profit which may dwindle to around $15 per guest room per night in net profit for the company.

Obviously, the real asset in this example is not the headphones—it’s the customer. Managers (who devise these policies) and front-line employees (who get stuck enforcing them) need to “get” this. Policies must take into account the customer’s perspective and reinforce the value that the company places on its customers. Doing so will create more opportunities to satisfy customers, gain their loyalty and referrals, and grow the business.

2.) Requiring a photo ID in these situations is inconvenient and insensitive. Most customers making this request will be standing there in their workout clothes and will have left their wallets containing photo IDs back in their rooms. Knowing this reality makes the requirement of showing a photo ID impractical for hotel guests who do not want to hassle with returning to their rooms, waiting on elevators, and perhaps waiting a second time at the front desk if a line forms while they are retrieving their photo IDs.

3.) Saying that “we’ve lost a lot of them in the past” implies that customers are irresponsible or dishonest. It’s critical to never offend customers by (even unwittingly) implying that they are irresponsible or dishonest. If we offend customers, then we are disrespecting them. Most customers will make allowances for lapses in service. Few will make allowances for disrespect. When disrespected, customers will go out of their way to change providers and will share the negative story with anyone who will listen.

The guest in this situation was appalled at the desk clerk’s reply and lack of empathy. He did not want to spend the next 6 or 8 minutes returning to his room to access his photo ID only to find that the equipment he intended to use was now being used by another guest. His body language told the story: palms flat on the counter, heavy sigh, followed by an abrupt turn away from the rep in the direction of the workout facility.

This guest decided not to joust with the employee who was standing firm on “policy.” Instead, he resigned himself to an audio-less workout—content to read lips on CNN and make his best guess at what the correspondents were reporting.

As service is my business, I find myself observing lots of situations like this one and, on occasion, advocating on behalf of customers. In this case, I offered my photo ID to the rep and requested a set of headphones. She promptly handed them to me and I said, “Great. Now that gentleman will be able to listen to the programming in the workout room.”

Realizing my intentions, she reverted back to “policy” stating that if the headphones were not returned to the desk, then my room account would be charged $80!

When I approached the guest in the workout facility a minute later, you should have seen the look of astonishment and appreciation on his face. It made my day. And to think, the gal at the front desk could have enjoyed the same feeling but instead dutifully enforced a customer-unfriendly policy.

Look around your own business. Are there any customer-unfriendly policies in need of revision or, better yet, elimination?

Last night, my family and I visited one of those ice cream parlors that use a heated stone to meld together savory concoctions of an array of sweets and premium ice cream. Because each order is usually custom-made, it takes a bit longer to fulfill orders here than in typical ice cream shops where you order a flavor, a size, and you’re done.

When my family of six entered the store there was only one customer ahead of us. So far, so good. As my kids were deciding on the combination of treats they were planning to add to their ice cream, I noticed another three groups of customers come in behind us. I thought to myself, “Good timing.”

About this time, I realized that the young man working behind the counter was alone. There was no one in back to support the half-dozen or so customers who had lined up behind us. Others noticed too. I was reading the body language of customers who were rolling their eyes, sighing, looking at their watches, and craning their necks over the counter to see if another employee was hiding out in the back room. After several minutes with no forward progress, not surprisingly, the couple at the end of the line walked out.

You might be thinking that this is going to be a blog post about the importance of proper staffing and you’d be half-right. Staffing levels are important. It doesn’t make sense to try and shave labor hours at the expense of customer satisfaction and sales. But staffing is only part of this dilemma. The other aspects are employee attitude and the processes that are in place to mitigate the negative effects of being “in the weeds.”

Our server, Amir, displayed a great attitude. He took a moment to make eye contact with other customers in the line, smiled, and nodded as if to say, “I recognize that you are awaiting service and look forward to serving you.” Instead of appearing rushed and anxious, he smiled comfortably, offered samples to our kids, and served us as if no line had formed. I appreciated that and told him so.

Now, here’s where the processes that lessen the negative effects of being “in the weeds” come in. Having ordered three specials (which included a free kid-sized ice cream bowl for each medium-sized bowl purchased at the regular price), Amir told me that he needed to process three separate transactions. I told him that I was paying with a credit card and it might speed things up to put them all on the same transaction.

He was stuck. Despite sound judgment (and better customer service), he deferred to policy saying, “I know it would be faster but it’s store policy to ring up specials separately.” He was using one of those tiny dial-up machines so the delay (and customer angst) was compounded. So, as customers continued to wait—rolling their eyes, and looking at their watches—he ran my credit card three separate times, and issued three separate charge slips for me to total and authorize three separate times.

It was another example to me of subordinating customer service to protocol and policy. And the customers waited…

So, what’s a service business to do? Last summer, I wrote an article that contains several customer-focused actions that employees can take to get through the inevitable periods of high customer volume that most successful service businesses frequently experience.

Check it out and make sure your staff is prepared to take care of customers during periods of high volume. Also, review any policies that are in place that may not make sense for the customer even if they help you with your internal functions.

After all, customers are the reason that your business has internal functions—not the other way around.