Have you ever noticed the similarities between attracting a prospective customer and wooing a mate?

There are lots of similarities when you think about it. For example, before the relationship develops, there may be frequent but informal contact. In business, that may look like a weekly e-newsletter that over time (as trust is established) results in a client project. In a personal relationship, it may take the form of frequent encounters at the corner Starbucks.

As it blossoms, there is usually lots of attention and care given to the relationship. In business, this is evidenced by asking questions of understanding, attentive listening, clarifying expectations, and responding to needs. In a personal relationship, these behaviors also apply.

Another similarity is that after the honeymoon phase, personal attention and care tend to diminish. Clients tend to hear from you less often and may need to leave a second message before you respond. And your mate may long for the time when you looked dreamily across the table, a slight smile on your face, while hanging on her every word.

But today you have competing priorities and don’t feel that you can be as responsive as some customers and mates require. And for this reason, among others, not every story has a happy ending…

That said, there are actions you can take immediately whether serving a customer or someone with whom you have a bit more of a, shall we say, intimate relationship, that will keep their eyes from wandering to the “competition.”

Express genuine interest. With customers, this is accomplished by making eye contact, smiling, and adding enthusiasm to your voice. Also, asking questions about preferences and being responsive to needs signal genuine interest. Chances are, your significant other appreciates the same type of attention.

Offer sincere and specific compliments. Genuine compliments make everyone feel better about themselves. A compliment is verbal sunshine. Shine on.

Share unique knowledge. In a customer service setting, this means sharing knowledge that goes beyond job knowledge that is expected (e.g., hours of operation, return policy, etc.). Unique knowledge has character and substance. It is interesting, unique, and unexpected (e.g., the history of the location, privileged “insider” information, etc.). Similarly, personal relationships benefit by sharing insights and feelings that transcend the expected (e.g., “How was work?”) and demonstrate personal interest (e.g., “Tell me about your day.”).

Convey authentic enthusiasm. We all do this differently. Some are bubbly. Others are less animated but equally enthusiastic. It’s easy to detect whether at work or home. They move with purpose. The lights are on. They are engaged.

Use appropriate humor. The key word is appropriate. With customers you need to use discretion and keep it professional so as not to offend. In personal relationships, you have a bit more leeway. Either way, laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Provide pleasant surprises. Have you ever received an unexpected upgrade on a flight, at a hotel, or when renting a car? How did it make you feel? It’s a positive feeling that can be replicated again and again with something as simple as a card, a bottle of water, or a single rose…

Deliver service heroics. This sort of action is rarely required of us. It’s the exception, not the rule. But when the situation requires it and we go “above and beyond” in order to wow our customer (e.g., meet an overnight deadline) or impress that someone special (e.g., breakfast in bed), it makes a lasting positive impression that reaffirms her importance and reinforces the relationship.

My hope for everyone reading this post is that you would find some truth in it. Reflect on the quality of your own personal customer service to those people who matter the most to you at work and at home.

Are you developing relationships by demonstrating the types of behaviors outlined above or are you communicating indifference by merely going through the motions?

Be intentional about applying these behaviors and I assure you that your most important customers—both professionally and personally—will appreciate you for it and, most importantly, will only have eyes for you.

Have you ever missed an opportunity to provide a compliment? Perhaps viewing it as optional? I have. And when I do, it’s usually my wife who points it out. Maybe I’ve overlooked her new haircut or the way she keeps a household of six on track. It’s easy to become complacent in this area and, instead of communicating appreciation, convey indifference or apathy.

We do the same with customers. One statistic I read suggested that 68 percent of customers quit doing business with a company due to perceived indifference towards them as customers.

The author Leo Buscaglia wrote, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

You may be thinking that “…have the potential to turn a life around” sounds a bit dramatic. If, for example, you work in the retail industry and miss an opportunity to compliment a customer on her choice of handbags, life goes on. But consider the field of healthcare and the positive effects that compliments have on patients.

Earlier today I was reading the book, Love Your Patients by Scott Louis Diering, M.D. and came across the following passage:

“One of the nicest gifts we can give anyone is a compliment. A compliment does not cost us anything, is easy to prepare, and shows our patients that we have taken the time to recognize them as special.

For example, when someone is in pain, it is nice to recognize their tolerance. We can say, “You must be very strong to tolerate that!” Or, “You are better than I am, I would be crying!” Or, “You could give lessons on how to manage pain!” Our compliments show our admiration for their pain tolerance.

We can compliment our patients for anything, but compliments about their own healthy behaviors are always good. For example, we can compliment them on their recall for their medical history, their blood sugar log, or their initiative to come in to see us.

Further, praising our patient’s healthy behaviors is a reinforcer for those behaviors. If we reinforce something, it is more likely to occur in the future. And, if we ignore their good behaviors, those good behaviors are less likely to occur again.”

Complimenting customers or patients will help to make the personal customer service you provide more memorable. But remember that co-workers are customers too. They deserve the same type of affirmation and recognition. For more on the topic of recognition, read this light-hearted post titled, Effective recognition is not pi in the sky!

So, while the opportunity to offer a sincere and specific compliment may not present itself during every customer service interaction, just be on the lookout for those opportunities to genuinely recognize the customers you serve.

They will feel better and so will you. As the author J.M. Barrie observed, “Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”