Yesterday I went to my local King Soopers to buy the last few ingredients for our Cinco de Mayo celebration. As I was awaiting check-out in the express lane, the customer ahead of me questioned the price of a loaf of Sara Lee white bread.

I’m not sure what he was charged at the register but he claimed that the sign on the shelf said it was $1.99.

The cashier brought the loaf of bread towards the Customer Service desk but the manager was not there. He returned to his register and asked a passing employee to check the price on the shelf, handing him the loaf of bread.

The annoyed customer, noticing the line forming behind him, interjected, “Look, don’t bother. Just take the loaf of bread off my bill.”

The cashier completed the transaction, apologized to the customer, and then began to ring up my purchases.

I asked him, “Why didn’t you just charge that customer $1.99 for the loaf of bread. Now he’s not going to be able to make a sandwich when he gets home.”

The young cashier smiled sheepishly and said, “I know. But only a manager can make that decision.”

“That’s too bad,” I said, “because that customer still needs a loaf of bread. He can buy it anywhere: Safeway, Albertsons, Target—what incentive does he have to buy it here?”

I’m not sure what King Soopers paid for that loaf of bread but you can bet it was less than $1.99. And even if they did lose money on that one item, they would make it up on the entire sale—not to mention the thousands of dollars they stand to make from that customer during his lifetime.

Don’t quibble with customers over nickels and dimes. Trust that they’re not out to get you. Concentrate on serving them well—even if that requires making a concession now and then. Provide exceptional customer service and the profits will follow.

Over the years, I’ve had conversations with hundreds of frontline employees in the service industry. All of these employees were passionate about something but, more often than not, their passion had little to do with their job roles.

Many described their jobs as boring, routine, and monotonous.

These conversations have inspired me to explore the question, “Why is it that frontline employees in the service industry oftentimes appear apathetic about customer service and indifferent toward their customers?”

While there are many variables including: company hiring, training, and retention practices; the existing customer service culture; the effectiveness of the employee’s immediate supervisor, etc., one key contributor that most companies miss is to clearly distinguish between an employee’s job functions and job essence.

Job functions are the duties associated with one’s job role. Performance of these functions is mandatory. It’s what the employee was hired to do. It’s what the employee is paid to do. It’s the criteria upon which his performance is judged.

Job essence is the employee’s highest priority—which, for most employees, is to create a delighted customer: one who will repurchase, is less price-sensitive, and will recommend the company/brand to others.

In contrast to job functions, job essence is frequently ignored by both employers and employees. Here’s why: Employers tend to focus on that which can be documented and measured—things like job descriptions, policies, procedures, and checklists. All of these pertain to job function. And employees tend to focus on whatever their managers focus on.

For instance, suppose a restaurant manager tells a newly-hired hostess that customer service is his top priority. (Most do.) But when the hostess’s side work (e.g., folding napkins, filling salt and pepper shakers, etc.) suffers due to her consistent presence out front greeting guests as they arrive, he questions her priorities by asking, “Why aren’t there more napkins folded?”

She will quickly learn the manager’s true priority is folded napkins (job function), not delighted customers (job essence).

You see, whereas performing job functions is mandatory, demonstrating job essence is optional—employees don’t have to do it. And most don’t. And unlike job functions for which employees are paid, there’s no additional cost to the employer for employees to demonstrate job essence. Companies don’t pay their employees extra to care, take initiative, or accept responsibility.

Both job function (competency) and job essence (passion to serve) are required to create delighted customers. Customers won’t appreciate passionate, service-oriented employees who are incompetent. Nor will they respond to capable employees whose customer service they would describe as apathetic or indifferent. In other words, restaurant guests appreciate being greeted warmly and having a clean, folded napkin.

The opportunity to create delighted customers lies at the intersection of job function and job essence.

I have identified seven customer service behaviors that are available to frontline customer service providers at this intersection. These behaviors will enable them to elevate their personal customer service from typical, routine, and expected, to unique, refreshing, and unexpected.

In so doing, they will create delighted customers—loyal customers who will brag about the company/brand to others.

Here are three of the behaviors:

1. Express genuine interest: To express genuine interest in a customer is to go beyond that which a customer typically expects during a customer service interaction. For example, most customers might expect a supermarket cashier to smile, make eye contact, and add a bit of enthusiasm to her voice. These qualities may not always occur but they are the basics of a face-to-face customer service interaction.

To go beyond the basics might mean posing a question or two to the customer.

For example, I once observed the transaction ahead of me while in line at an Albertsons supermarket. As the cashier scanned a bag of dog food, she simply asked, “What kind of dog do you have?”

With that, the cashier and the customer had an enthusiastic exchange about their mutual love of Labrador Retrievers. It wasn’t long—maybe all of 20 seconds while the customer swiped his bank card and signed for his purchases. But an impression was made. A connection was established.

2. Share unique knowledge: To share unique knowledge with a customer means to go beyond the job knowledge that is ordinarily expected of one’s job role. For example, most restaurant guests expect for servers to possess basic job knowledge such as the evening’s specials, the soupe du jour, information about food preparation, ingredients/allergens, availability, pricing, etc.

Unique knowledge goes beyond job knowledge. It is interesting, memorable, and unexpected. It has character and substance.

It’s the difference between: “Tonight, our featured appetizer is the Pâté de Foie Gras” and  “Our chef trained at the prestigious Restaurant School in Philadelphia and apprenticed at Le Bec Fin. She also traveled to France to refine her knowledge of French delicacies such as truffles, escargot, and foie gras. In fact, our Pâté de Foie Gras is our featured appetizer. May I tempt you with an order?”

Seriously, which of these two approaches would make an impression on you? Which might motivate you to order the appetizer?

3. Deliver service heroics: To deliver service heroics means to go beyond the customer’s expectations in providing him with an exceptional customer service experience. Sometimes, this will require an employee to go above and beyond the call of duty. He may be challenged to perform beyond the scope of his job description.

I won’t provide my own example here. Instead, I’ll ask you to reflect back on your own experience as a customer. Everyone reading this post has a vivid example of a time when a frontline hourly employee went above and beyond the call of duty to provide exceptional customer service.

Perhaps you wrote a letter to the employee’s boss or maybe you gave him or her a substantial gratuity? If not, I’m confident that you have at least shared the story with many others. An impression was made—one that you won’t soon forget.

Each of these behaviors shares the same set of characteristics: they demonstrate the essence of an employee’s job—his or her highest priority—to create a delighted customer; they’re optional—which is why, as customers, we don’t often experience them; and they’re free—companies don’t pay their employees extra to express genuine interest, share unique knowledge, or deliver service heroics.

By recognizing and communicating the difference between job function and job essence, then guiding employee performance by sharing and rewarding customer service behaviors that go beyond that which customers typically expect, companies will differentiate themselves on the basis of customer service quality.

While most of their competitors will be providing the customer service status quo, these companies will be providing Service Elevated!

Many companies do an effective job of training their employees and holding them accountable to certain job functions.

For instance, in the checkout line at my local supermarket I’m routinely asked, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” And, when picking up my order at my favorite take-and-bake pizza restaurant, I’m frequently asked, “Have you baked our pizzas before?” And the cashiers at several area retailers regularly ask, “Would you like to enroll in our loyalty program to receive future discounts?”

Job functions are those tasks or duties associated with a job role. They are mandatory and, in most cases, are observable and measurable. Job functions receive a great deal of attention from supervisors and employees are held accountable to consistently perform them.

The irony is that, while employees are usually very good about asking routine questions pertaining to job functions, they oftentimes lose sight of the essence of their jobs.

Job essence refers to an employee’s highest priority—which, for most businesses, is to create delighted, loyal customers. Demonstrating job essence through one’s style, attitude, and personality is optional and, oftentimes, difficult to measure. For these reasons, supervisors and employees at many companies fail to consistently demonstrate job essence, devoting more of their energy and attention to the performance of job functions.

So, even as an employee asks, “Would you like to enroll in our loyalty program to receive future discounts?” (a mandatory job function), if she doesn’t smile, add a bit of enthusiasm to her voice, or in some other way appear to be engaged or interested (demonstrating optional job essence), then she’s missed an opportunity to “connect” and make a lasting positive impression.

Energy flows where attention goes. If a company pays attention to job functions, it will increase the number of people enrolled in its loyalty program. If it pays attention to job essence, it will increase the number of delighted customers who are loyal to its company/brand.

It’s better to earn 100 delighted customers who are loyal to your brand, than to capture 1,000 passive customers in a loyalty program who are indifferent toward your brand.

Where is your attention going?

Why do executives tend to support instituting fees that they know will annoy customers and yet oppose investments in training and other processes that will improve the customer experience?

Here’s a guess: Companies can begin assessing fees immediately and then add up the revenue generated at the end of the day. By contrast, any investment in training or other processes that will enhance the customer experience is difficult to measure and, even if it was quantifiable, takes too much time and effort.

The familiar path of least resistance is appealing. Assessing a surcharge requires much less work than improving the customer experience. Just a bit of coding on the website, updates to the point-of-sale system at the unit level, and inclusion of fine print where required by the legal department. It requires a lot less work than raising standards and improving the customer experience.

Many companies contend that raising standards, educating staff, and managing employees’ performance against these higher standards requires too much time and effort. “It’s way too hard,” they lament. “Who do you think we are? Zappos? Can’t we just assess the extra fees and count our money?”

This mentality is hardly surprising. After all, it works. The airline industry has succeeded at charging passengers for everything from baggage handling to pillows. And one airline, Ryanair in the UK, actually considered installing coin slots on its lavatory doors and charging passengers £1 (US$1.40) to use the toilet. Read about it here. The airlines have made nickel-and-diming customers an art form. It’s no wonder the airline industry is frequently cited when customers share their worst customer service experiences.

And now, hotels are being compared to airlines in the way they are trying to close budgeted revenue gaps by assessing a variety of fees. For instance, some hotels add a $2.50 “tray charge” to the automatic 18 percent gratuity included in the room service bill under the assumption that guests won’t mind paying $25 for a Club Sandwich.

Other hotels add a “restocking fee” of $2.95 per day, once a guest removes the first item from his minibar—as if he hasn’t already paid enough for that Toblerone chocolate bar. Additional fees include baggage holding fees, towel fees, in-room safe fees (sometimes appearing on the room bill as “Safe Warranty” fees), groundskeeping fees, resort fees, and others.

It appears as though the executives who authorize these fees have more faith in their company’s ability to close revenue gaps by adding fees that will annoy guests rather than providing exceptional customer service that will delight them.

Perhaps they’re skeptical about the research:

Claes Fornell, Professor of Business Administration at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, oversees the data collection and analysis of the quarterly American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI) results. The ACSI reports scores for the causes and consequences of customer satisfaction and their relationships to financial performance and other metrics. According to Fornell, a 5 percent improvement in customer satisfaction leads to an increase of over 35 percent of future operational cash flow.

Another customer satisfaction authority, J.D. Power and Associates, looked at ancillary per day spending of hotel guests as correlated with overall satisfaction. They found that guests who rated their overall satisfaction with the hotel a 10 (or Very Satisfied on a 10 point scale) spent, on average $12 per day more on services such as room service, recreation, spas, mini-bars, and laundry service than guests who rated their overall satisfaction as an 8 or 9 (or Somewhat Satisfied on a 10 point scale). With an average length of stay of 2.5 nights, that can really add up.

In another study by consumer research firm PeopleMetrics, 1,250 customers were surveyed on their experiences at restaurants owned by nine publicly traded companies with 300 or more units. Customer engagement was measured by four factors: customer retention; the extra effort a customer was willing to make for a return visit; whether a customer would recommend the restaurant to a friend or family member; and passion—whether the customer “loved” the restaurant.

At the end of the study, the restaurants were divided into two groups: those with low customer engagement scores and those with high scores based on the survey results. When year-to-year financial data for the two groups were compared, the group with high customer engagement scores had an average increase of 29 percent in gross margin versus a 12 percent decline for those restaurants with low scores.

And just last month, American Express and Echo Research compiled research that revealed American consumers are willing to spend, on average, 9 percent more with companies that provide excellent customer service.

If the above research is even directionally accurate then it makes no sense to rely on added fees to generate revenue at the expense of customer satisfaction. Companies are much better off investing in training or other processes that will enhance the customer experience. Delighted customers really will pay more.

I met a colleague at ink! Coffee in Denver last week. I appreciate great coffee as I’ve blogged about before and was really looking forward to trying ink!’s.

My first impression was positive as the barista welcomed me and briefly shared ink! Coffee’s philosophy regarding product quality and freshness.

After determining that I was meeting someone for coffee, she dispensed the coffee into a sturdy ceramic mug—which was refreshing. I took my first sip and was truly impressed with the quality. As advertised, it was rich, smooth and not at all bitter.

About twenty minutes into my appointment, the barista came by our table and mentioned to me that they offer free refills.

“Free refills?” I said. “That’s great! I’d love one. Thank you.”

Then she said something that shocked me.

“Oh…but I don’t get it for you. You have to go to the counter to get it.”

She then justified her response by explaining that we were a team and, as such, we all played different roles. Apparently, her role was to prepare and sell me a cup of coffee and my role was to pause my meeting, get up, go to the counter, and wait in line to request a refill.

ink! Coffee’s slogan is: Coffee. Above all else.

Clearly, this includes customer service.

In the men’s restroom, there is a sign boldly displayed which reads:

THE INK ON ink! COFFEE

In 1994, ink! started in Aspen, Colorado with one cart and a lot of passion. We continue to hand-roast our coffee at high elevation in the mountains which allows us to roast longer at a lower temperature making the coffee rich, smooth and never bitter.

Beans are delivered fresh to ink! stores, brewed into coffee, and served to adoring customers. And because we take pride in freshness, we only keep a pot of coffee around about as long as it took to brew it. Same goes for beans. We never stockpile them.

Our baristas have a passion for great coffee (without the attitude). And most importantly, they know how to make the perfect cup.

At least they’re consistent. This sign really does accurately capture the ink! Coffee culture that I experienced: A focus on coffee—not the customer. Notice the only reference to customers is in the second paragraph where we’re described as “adoring.”

I found this definition of “adoring” at Merriam-Webster.com: To worship or honor as a deity or as divine. In the context above, it would seem that customers are expected to “worship” ink! Coffee. That’s flawed. It’s reminiscent of American automakers’ attitude towards their customers until they began defecting to imported brands at an alarming rate. Only then did Detroit begin to refocus on customers.

In the third paragraph, it’s noted that “baristas have a passion for great coffee…And most importantly, they know how to make the perfect cup.” Both of these references have to do with ink!’s product, not service. In fact, there’s no mention of customer service anywhere—so I really shouldn’t have been at all surprised that the barista had no intention of refilling my cup of coffee for me.

I am a huge supporter of smaller, independent brands that compete against the behemoths and I want to see them succeed. That said, it’s unlikely for a coffee shop (or any other business) to succeed based on product quality alone. Service quality must be part of the equation.

If I were advising ink! Coffee, I would emphasize that its highest priority should be to create promoters of the ink! Coffee brand.

Global consulting firm Bain and Company defines promoters as those customers who are the least price-sensitive, have the highest repurchase rates, and are responsible for between 80 and 90 percent of positive referrals to a company or brand.

Promoters respond to the question, “How likely is it that you would recommend ink! Coffee to a friend or colleague?” by selecting 9 or 10 on a zero-to-10 scale with 10 indicating they are extremely likely to recommend.

Promoters recognize product quality and they expect a commensurate level of service quality. If customers get one without the other, they’re less likely to recommend the company or brand to others. And, by definition, they’re not promoters. They’re either passives (indifferent about your brand) or detractors (responsible for 80 to 90 percent of the negative word of mouth).

ink! Coffee has a great location in Cherry Creek and an amazing product. But the reality is that there is a Peet’s Coffee & Tea and a Starbucks located on the same street. And ink! simply will not succeed in creating promoters and growing market share by focusing exclusively on product quality while remaining indifferent about the customer experience.

Is there an organization that comes to mind when I ask you to consider a predictably poor customer service provider? By this I mean a company or entity you dread returning to because you’ve been consistently disappointed with previous customer service experiences.

When I pose this question to audiences, I tend to hear the same responses: DMV, IRS, USPS… Maybe you’re thinking of one of these—or perhaps you have in mind a cable company, airline, or cell phone service provider?

Now, the easy answer is to exercise your freedom of choice as a consumer and discontinue using these organizations and eliminate the recurring frustration. The problem is that that’s not always possible—or convenient.

In the case of the IRS, doing “business” with them is mandatory. And as long as driver’s licenses and vehicle registrations are required by law, you’ll likely be visiting a local branch of your state’s DMV. The same is true of the USPS. If you miss delivery and have to retrieve a package, send a registered letter, or some other exception, then (at more locations than not) be prepared to wait…

And there are some companies that you may begrudgingly do business with for one reason or another. Maybe your cable services are bundled at a great rate for the next eight months so you’re willing to endure long hold times? Or perhaps you’ve signed a two-year contract with your cell phone’s service provider and so, are willing to tolerate patchy coverage? And you may be willing to relax your grudge against that airline you said you’d never fly again because it’s offering a nonstop flight for half of what your preferred airline is quoting for the same itinerary with connections.

In my case, I gave in to my seven year old, Cooper, and returned to Toys “R” Us last weekend to buy him a LEGO Space Police Galactic Enforcer. Our first stop had been Target but they didn’t carry this particular model. Next, I called Walmart but they did not have it in stock. So I was forced to return to our local Toys “R” Us store.

This particular Toys “R” Us location, to me, is reminiscent of a wholesale club. Its atmosphere (austere), staffing (sparse), and customer service (indifferent) are more suited to a warehouse setting than a retail store. I don’t recall a single hassle-free shopping experience in the past. I do not look forward to returning. From my perspective, it has predictably poor customer service.

Having phoned ahead to verify that they had the LEGO toy in stock, Cooper and I arrived at the Customer Service desk at the front of the store to pick it up.

When I asked the Customer Service employee about the toy and provided my name he said, “If you called ahead, it’s probably in ‘Holding’ at the back of the store.”

Observation #1: The word “probably” does not inspire confidence. The number one reason why customers buy where they buy is confidence.

I said, “Holding?”

He said, “Yeah, ‘Holding’ is where we hold special orders and call-ins. I’ll go back and get it for you.”

Observation #2: When a customer calls a retail store to verify that it has a particular product in stock, provides his name, and states that he’ll stop by later that day to purchase it, (assuming it’s not a swing set or, otherwise, oversized merchandise) that product should be available at the nearest service counter to the front of the store—where customers enter.

He then disappeared for several minutes before returning with the product.

“Great!” I said, “Here’s my credit card.”

Surprised, he said, “Oh, I can’t ring that up for you here. You have to go around to the check-out area.”

Looking at two cash registers behind the Customer Service counter, I asked, “What are these registers for?”

“Oh. Those are only for returns.”

Observation #3: Avoid telling customers that you “can’t” do something or that they “have to” do something. Try a softer approach: “While these registers are for returns, the registers to my left are for purchases.” (I realize we’re talking about Toys “R” Us and not the Four Seasons. Even though you may not work for a luxury brand, there’s no reason why you can’t treat your customers with professionalism and grace.)

Observation #4: Why on earth would you designate the only two cash registers as “returns only” at a Customer Service counter in a retail store—where, presumably, you sell stuff?

So I walked around a long aisle stocked with Nerf products, past the Toy Story 3 display, to the front of the store where, as expected, both checkout lanes were filled with shoppers.

Sensing the irony of the situation, the customer service employee came out from behind his counter, motioned to me, and offered to ring me up at one of the registers located further down in the video game department.

There, he rung up my purchase and asked if I was a member of the Toys “R” Us Rewards Program. (I’m not.) He then made the pitch: There’s no cost to enroll. It just takes a minute to sign up. Shoppers accumulate in-store credits as their spending reaches certain milestones. For instance, for every $150 one spends, he receives a $5 in-store credit that can be applied to a future purchase.

Even though it’s free, fast, and I was already two-thirds of the way to my first $5 bonus, I passed. It’s just not worth $5 or $10 for me to return to this particular Toys “R” Us store. I’d honestly rather spend a little more at Target or another retailer where the customer service is not so predictably poor.

And I’m not alone. Last month, American Express and Echo Research compiled research that revealed American consumers are willing to spend, on average, 9% more with companies that provide excellent customer service.

Toys “R” Us is offering me a savings of about 3% to join its loyalty program but they’re completely missing the point of what truly drives loyalty. Loyalty is not reflected in the number of people who enroll in a rewards program. It is evidenced by positive word-of-mouth, repeat purchases, less price resistance, and other tendencies of loyal customers.

Loyalty has very little to do with plastic keychain rewards cards and 3% discounts. It has everything to do with committing to absolute customer satisfaction, making exceptional customer service the focus and priority of your organization’s culture and brand, and inspiring genuine customer loyalty through predictable service excellence.

A few years ago, I was seated in the boarding area at Dulles International Airport awaiting my fate as a standby passenger on the last nonstop flight to Denver. About ten minutes after the last passenger boarded, my name was called and I was given a seat assignment and permitted to board the plane.

As I was the last passenger to board, all eyes were on me as I struggled to find space for my garment bag in the overhead bin. Just then, one of the flight attendants called down the aisle, “Ladies and gentlemen, we can only depart when this man is seated.”

She wasn’t very nice.

She seemed to find pleasure in using a perverse form of peer pressure to motivate me to quickly stow my bag and be seated. As I had yet to make any friends on the flight—and weary airline passengers can be quite unsympathetic—I settled into a most uncomfortable center seat for the ride home.

I understand the airline’s policy requiring all passengers to be seated with bags stowed and seatbelts fastened prior to departure but couldn’t this flight attendant have found a way to convey this message without admonishing me publicly? Couldn’t she be nice?

Too often, employee requests sound more like reprimands or, worse, threats. By simply adding a bit of empathy, humor, or tact, the same message could be presented in a way that achieves similar results without offending customers in the process.

Be nice.

It’s easy to do and you and your customers will have a lot more fun in the process. Just last Wednesday, on United Airlines flight 405 from La Guardia to Denver, a male flight attendant in an effort to expedite boarding, made the following announcement over the airplane’s intercom:

“We cannot close the aircraft door until all bags are securely stowed and all passengers are seated with seatbelts fastened. At this moment we are perilously close to closing the door late and relinquishing our place in line for takeoff. If that happens, we may remain on the (echoed for effect) tarmac, tarmac, tarmac for (echoed for effect) hours, hours, hours…”

A message that could have sounded like a reprimand, been met with resistance, and created tension among passengers (especially those stowing bags who had yet to be seated), instead was presented with humor, met with laughter, and broke the ice with passengers.

When I met the flight attendant later during the beverage service, guess what? He was nice. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Studies by J.D. Power and Associates and others suggest that customer loyalty may increase when problems experienced by customers are resolved to their satisfaction (or, better yet, their delight). Even so, problems often go unresolved or ignored by employees who are in a position to make things right and win over customers in the process.

Earlier this week in New York City, I had experiences that illustrate both extremes:

The first involved a cab ride in midtown Manhattan Tuesday morning. When I entered the taxicab at the intersection of 57th St. and Park Avenue, I said to the driver, “I’m headed down to Twenty-eighth and Park.”

He nodded and instantly we were heading south on Park Avenue towards 28th St. Initially, the driver made no impression whatsoever and I became lost in the sights and sounds of the city outside my taxicab.

It took a moment for me to realize that he had pulled over at 48th St. and totaled the fare at $4.70. Noticing this, I leaned forward and repeated, “Twenty-eighth Street, not Forty-eighth Street.”

The driver, accepting responsibility for the misunderstanding, smiled and said, “Ah—Twenty-eighth Street. I am so sorry.”

As we continued south on Park Avenue, I noticed that the fare reading on the meter remained unchanged. Sure enough, as he pulled to the curb at 28th St., the total fare had not changed from $4.70. He had accepted responsibility for the misunderstanding and absorbed the final twenty blocks worth of fare.

As a result, I paid ten dollars for the ride and thanked him for his understanding.

Contrast this with an experience I had later that day at a midtown diner:

My server, Mackenzie, was a delight. She was effervescent, interested, and engaged. She made eye-contact, smiled, and added enthusiasm to her voice. She was exceptional.

After I had ordered a cheeseburger, a Coke, and a side of onion rings for lunch, Mackenzie said, “What would you like on your cheeseburger?”

I said, “Just lettuce. Hold the pickles and onions.” Then I added, “I know it’s weird. I’m ordering a side of onion rings but having you hold the onions on my cheeseburger. I just like them fried.”

She smiled and said, “Oh, I know just what you’re talking about. I’m the same way!”

We had made a personal connection. The ice was broken. I was no longer just another restaurant cover. And she was no longer just another server. She delivered my Coke to the table, smiled wide, and was off to the kitchen to submit my lunch order.

Ten minutes later, the diner’s manager arrived at my table with my cheeseburger and a basket of tater tots. At the same time, Mackenzie arrived tableside to verify that I was all set.

As the manager placed the tater tots on the table I said, “Oh wait—I didn’t order tater tots. I ordered onion rings.”

Mackenzie looked at her manager, then at me (this time, not smiling) and said, “You ordered tater tots.”

At first I thought she was joking—especially given the conversation we’d had about onions. When it was clear that she wasn’t kidding, I said, “Don’t you remember our conversation? (silence) I had you hold the onions on my cheeseburger but ordered a side of onion rings?”

Stone faced, and without responding, she followed her manager back to the kitchen. When she returned to the restaurant floor, she avoided my table. A few minutes later, the manager placed a basket of onion rings on my table and left without saying a word.

Now, I’m not sure what the dynamics were. Maybe Mackenzie’s manager is particularly intolerant of mistakes? Maybe there was some other reason that caused her to claim ignorance in order to save face? Either way, I felt uneasy about it. (Of the many feelings you’d like your customers to experience, uneasiness isn’t one of them.)

I ate my lunch (which was excellent), paid my bill, and left.

On a ten-point scale, I would rate my experience with the cab driver a ten and, if given the chance, would go out of my way to ride with him again. I would refer him to others and would even be willing to pay a small premium to ride with this particular driver—largely due to the trust and confidence I now have in him.

On the other hand, I would rate my experience at the diner a six and would not go out of my way to return to this diner or recommend it to others. My review has been tainted by the “tater tot incident” and, specifically, Mackenzie’s refusal to accept responsibility for her mistake.

Problems are inevitable. Whether or not employees choose to own them, however, is optional. Those employees who do are one step closer to resolving problems—and creating loyal customers!

It’s a shame when service-based organizations use safety, liability, and policy as justification for delivering average customer service.

• “Your safety is our highest priority” is the mantra of most airlines.

On the surface, it appears noble. The airlines have done a masterful job of limiting customer service in the name of safety (e.g., “The flight attendants are primarily here for your safety” now prefaces the “If there’s anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable…” announcement).

I expect the next update they make to the message will be: “The flight attendants are solely here for your safety. If there’s anything you need to make your flight more enjoyable, make a note of it and be sure to bring it with you next time. Enjoy your flight.”

• And many businesses disappoint “due to liability.”

In healthcare, for instance, many physicians are reluctant to utter either the “I’m sorry” of sympathy or of responsibility for fear their words will be used against them by a plaintiff’s lawyer. So caring and empathy take a backseat to liability. Get well soon.

And hotels frequently decline to jump-start guests’ car batteries “due to liability.” I understand the need for safety and liability considerations. I also know that if a guest at my home (or, in some cases, a total stranger) requested a jump-start, I wouldn’t say, “I wish I could but, due to liability, I can’t help you. Have a nice day.”

I disagree that this justification would resonate with anyone in need of a jump-start—especially a hotel guest who has a flight to catch.

• And customer satisfaction is often compromised with the words: “It’s our policy.”

Whether you’re talking about retail (e.g., return policy restrictions), restaurants (e.g., policies that restrict split orders, substitutions, separate checks, etc.), or another business, most use policies as standardized mechanisms to guide employees’ decisions and behavior and to shape customers’ expectations.

Most policies are well-intended, carefully written protocol that are uniformly applied by employees and universally resented by customers. Here is a real-life example demonstrating how one hotel’s policy prevented a guest from listening to music or television programming during his workout in the hotel’s fitness center. Enjoy your stay.

Certainly there are valid reasons for instituting safety, liability, and policy considerations within a business. My point is not to do away with them.

I appreciate that hotel doormen do not permit unattended, parked vehicles in the driveway. I realize they’re not trying to be difficult. They are honoring a law that ensures access to the hotel by emergency vehicles—a valid safety measure.

Likewise, I applaud establishments that recognize when a guest is inebriated and refuse to serve him another bourbon and water. Not only is it a liability issue, it’s the right thing to do for everyone involved.

And there are many policies that are constructive and serve the best interests of the customer as well as the business. For example, if my checkbook goes missing, I have a new appreciation for check cashing policies requiring photo identification.

The issue is not the existence of safety, liability, and policy considerations. It’s the reliance on these considerations when employees’ common sense and good judgment would suggest otherwise.

When airline passengers are denied attentive in-flight service, when restaurant patrons are unable to have their preferences fulfilled, and when hotel guests paying $200 per night cannot be entrusted with a $4.74 set of headphones, it’s evident that these businesses value protocol more than their employees’ good judgment or, remarkably, their customers’ satisfaction.

For many years, Nordstrom, the retailer known for exceptional customer service, offered its newly-hired employees a famously uncomplicated handbook to assist in guiding their decisions at work.

It contained a single rule:

1.) Use your good judgment in all situations. There will be no additional rules.

By encouraging its employees to use their good judgment to serve customers as opposed to volumes of safety, liability, and policy considerations, at Nordstrom you are far more likely to hear things like “Yes”, “I’m happy to” and “Let me see what I can do” as opposed to “No”, “We can’t” and “It’s our policy.”

The same is true for companies like The Ritz-Carlton Hotels & Resorts, Lexus, Zappos, Rackspace Hosting, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, USAA Insurance, L.L.Bean, and others renowned for their product and service quality.

The best organizations understand the difference between placing trust in a manual or in people. The best people choose to work for organizations that place trust in them. And most customers, when given a choice, will choose to do business with the best people.

Have you ever noticed the similarities between attracting a prospective customer and wooing a mate?

There are lots of similarities when you think about it. For example, before the relationship develops, there may be frequent but informal contact. In business, that may look like a weekly e-newsletter that over time (as trust is established) results in a client project. In a personal relationship, it may take the form of frequent encounters at the corner Starbucks.

As it blossoms, there is usually lots of attention and care given to the relationship. In business, this is evidenced by asking questions of understanding, attentive listening, clarifying expectations, and responding to needs. In a personal relationship, these behaviors also apply.

Another similarity is that after the honeymoon phase, personal attention and care tend to diminish. Clients tend to hear from you less often and may need to leave a second message before you respond. And your mate may long for the time when you looked dreamily across the table, a slight smile on your face, while hanging on her every word.

But today you have competing priorities and don’t feel that you can be as responsive as some customers and mates require. And for this reason, among others, not every story has a happy ending…

That said, there are actions you can take immediately whether serving a customer or someone with whom you have a bit more of a, shall we say, intimate relationship, that will keep their eyes from wandering to the “competition.”

Express genuine interest. With customers, this is accomplished by making eye contact, smiling, and adding enthusiasm to your voice. Also, asking questions about preferences and being responsive to needs signal genuine interest. Chances are, your significant other appreciates the same type of attention.

Offer sincere and specific compliments. Genuine compliments make everyone feel better about themselves. A compliment is verbal sunshine. Shine on.

Share unique knowledge. In a customer service setting, this means sharing knowledge that goes beyond job knowledge that is expected (e.g., hours of operation, return policy, etc.). Unique knowledge has character and substance. It is interesting, unique, and unexpected (e.g., the history of the location, privileged “insider” information, etc.). Similarly, personal relationships benefit by sharing insights and feelings that transcend the expected (e.g., “How was work?”) and demonstrate personal interest (e.g., “Tell me about your day.”).

Convey authentic enthusiasm. We all do this differently. Some are bubbly. Others are less animated but equally enthusiastic. It’s easy to detect whether at work or home. They move with purpose. The lights are on. They are engaged.

Use appropriate humor. The key word is appropriate. With customers you need to use discretion and keep it professional so as not to offend. In personal relationships, you have a bit more leeway. Either way, laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Provide pleasant surprises. Have you ever received an unexpected upgrade on a flight, at a hotel, or when renting a car? How did it make you feel? It’s a positive feeling that can be replicated again and again with something as simple as a card, a bottle of water, or a single rose…

Deliver service heroics. This sort of action is rarely required of us. It’s the exception, not the rule. But when the situation requires it and we go “above and beyond” in order to wow our customer (e.g., meet an overnight deadline) or impress that someone special (e.g., breakfast in bed), it makes a lasting positive impression that reaffirms her importance and reinforces the relationship.

My hope for everyone reading this post is that you would find some truth in it. Reflect on the quality of your own personal customer service to those people who matter the most to you at work and at home.

Are you developing relationships by demonstrating the types of behaviors outlined above or are you communicating indifference by merely going through the motions?

Be intentional about applying these behaviors and I assure you that your most important customers—both professionally and personally—will appreciate you for it and, most importantly, will only have eyes for you.