My brother-in-law is an administrator at a high school in Sioux Falls. One day, he encountered a freshmen student in the hall who was visibly upset because another student said he was short.

Todd invited the student into his office and asked, “What’s the problem?” To which the student exclaimed, “Someone said I was short!”

Assessing the boy’s short stature, Todd said, “You do know that you’re short, don’t you?”

Startled by the question, the boy hesitated before responding, “Um…well…yes.”

Todd encouraged the boy to accept his height as a fact of life rather than pretend he wasn’t short or, worse, be ashamed of it. He said, “Look at me. I’m bald! It’s a fact of life. I’ll tell you what—let’s make a deal: Whenever I see you in the hallway, I’ll say, ‘Hi shorty.’ And whenever you see me, you can say, ‘Hi baldy.’ Deal?”

The boy agreed to Todd’s arrangement and, although their hallway encounters produce surprise and bewilderment from others, there hasn’t been a problem since.

What I respect about Todd’s approach is that it’s devoid of all sugarcoating. He told it like it was and, I suspect, made a lasting impression on the student.

His story also reminds me how much I appreciate it when companies I deal with tell me the truth, without sugarcoating the message. If there’s a mechanical issue with the plane and we’re going to be delayed or the cable tech is running late due to an unforeseen circumstance, just tell me the truth. Let me know what’s happening.

After the initial irritation wears off, most customers will accept the new reality and adjust their expectations accordingly. It’s only when information is cryptic or withheld altogether that many customers will become less tolerant of service hiccups and take to social media or other channels to vent.

Always communicate the truth as you know it. Customers appreciate hearing what you know and what you don’t know. Authentic, complete, non-sugarcoated communication has the power to diffuse anger, create understanding and grow relationships between people. And that’s the truth.

Illustration: Aaron McKissen

In 168 BC the Greek ruler, Antiochus led an attack on Egypt. Before reaching Alexandria, his path was blocked by a Roman envoy, who delivered a message from the Roman Senate directing Antiochus to withdraw his armies from Egypt and Cyprus, or consider themselves in a state of war with the Roman Republic.

Antiochus said he would discuss it with his council, whereupon the Roman ambassador instructed a soldier to draw a line in the sand around Antiochus and said, “Before you cross this circle I want you to give me a reply for the Roman Senate” – implying that Rome would declare war if the Greek ruler stepped out of the circle without committing to leave Egypt immediately. Weighing his options, Antiochus wisely chose to withdraw.

The above story recounts the origin of the “line in the sand” metaphor depicting confrontation, adversarilism, and an ultimatum. And, while this conflict took place more than 2,000 years ago, similar showdowns between service providers and customers occur daily in a variety of forms. Here’s one particularly egregious example from a disillusioned supermarket employee.

Customers are not the enemy. Instead of fostering an adversarial service culture by refusing to make exceptions, admonishing customers, reacting defensively, and enforcing customer-unfriendly policies, service providers should embrace customers for who they really are: the source of their incomes, group health insurance, and retirement nest eggs. (Don’t kid yourself. All of these benefits—in addition to the last pair of shoes you purchased for yourself or your child—were made possible by your customers’ spending.)

The next time you detect a line in the sand between you and your customers, consider inviting them across. That way, you can be on the same side.

I once worked for a manager who was fond of saying, “Every two weeks, you and the company are even.” What he meant was that every pay period, after you were compensated for your previous two weeks of work, the company didn’t owe you anything. I agree with him.

Too often, when I overhear disgruntled employees banter or read blog comments from disillusioned employees, I sense a recurring theme of entitlement: having a right to this or that. Oftentimes, these comments have to do with money or customers.

Here’s an actual blog comment that depicts entitled thinking:

“Anything less than 20% is a bad tip. If everything is right and timely, that server did their job – they served you. 10% is a slap in the face and embarrassing to only the payee of the bill. You go back and they will drop your food on the floor and serve it to you, believe me. They get paid two dollars an hour and work harder than most people.”

It sounds as though this person is saying that, as long as customers receive the correct food orders within a reasonable time period, the server is entitled to a 20 percent tip. I disagree. Accurately capturing an order, conveying it to the kitchen staff, and delivering it to the table in a timely fashion are all examples of job function (the duties and tasks associated with one’s job role). Job function, however, is only half of the server’s job. The other half is job essence—of which there is no mention in the above blog comment.

Job essence is an employee’s purpose or highest priority at work. And for restaurant servers, their highest priority should be to create a promoter of the restaurant—a delighted customer who is less price-sensitive, has higher repurchase rates, and is responsible for 80-90 percent of the positive word-of-mouth about the restaurant. Whereas job function deals with processes, job essence deals with personality.

Executing job functions in a restaurant (e.g., serving hot food hot and cold food cold according to customer specifications within a reasonable timeframe) may earn a server a 15 percent tip but a 20 percent tip hinges on the server’s ability to demonstrate job essence (e.g., expressing genuine interest in the customer, anticipating needs, paying attention to detail, following up, sharing unique knowledge, using appropriate humor, providing a pleasant surprise, etc.).

Restaurant servers are no more entitled to a 20 percent tip than you and I are entitled to indefinite paychecks from our employers. Remember, we’re even every pay period. Your employer, regardless of your tenure or the quality of your work, doesn’t owe you any more than is outlined in your employment contract such as severance pay, outplacement services or access to portable benefits. To think otherwise is naïve and irresponsible.

What’s worse, the above blog comment suggests that if a customer tips 10 percent after receiving an accurate order within a reasonable amount of time (job function) regardless of the server’s attitude or personality (job essence), then the server is justified in retaliating by dropping a customer’s food on the floor before serving it to him during his next visit (assuming there is a next visit).

Really? Does this sound like something a responsible person would do?

I suspect there will be readers of this post who will disagree with me and sympathize with the author of the adversarial blog comment. Without reading my bio, they will accuse me of never having served a customer and will chastise me for offering an elitist perspective from my ivory tower of theory and abstraction.

If that’s you, I have one question: If you operated a restaurant, would you hire the person who wrote the above blog comment to serve your guests?

Entitled thinking poisons the mind and undermines customer service quality. As soon as you begin to think that you have a right to a steady paycheck, a promotion, a pay raise or a 20 percent tip, you begin to feel justified while judging others, complaining, and even while retaliating against customers—which is inexcusable.

I welcome all questions, comments, bouquets, and brickbats.

Earlier this year, after my lawn had been aerated and fertilized, I noticed yellow grass forming along the eastern perimeter of my front yard. My initial thought was that my lawn service had inadvertently over-sprayed grass killer while treating the rock landscaping that borders the lawn. So I called and asked if a rep could come out and take a look at it.

A couple days later, a tech stopped by to examine the grass and told me I had lawn mites. He suggested I rake the yellow areas to remove the dead layer of grass. As he prepared to leave, I asked, “Is there something you can do to eliminate the lawn mites?” He said that he would add it to my next service ticket but, in the meantime, I should reseed or re-sod the areas of my lawn that had been damaged.

Later, I went to the lawn service’s website and found an entire page devoted to the detection and treatment of lawn mites.

I contacted the same service tech, Mitch, who diagnosed the problem and asked him why (since his company dedicates an entire web page to the detection and treatment of lawn mites) this issue had not been addressed in the preventative maintenance last fall or earlier this spring? And why is it my responsibility (when his company had twice serviced my lawn in the previous 30 days) to identify the problem, schedule a tech inspection, and replace the affected areas of grass, when I had retained a lawn service to ensure the health of my lawn?

I told him, “I think our goals are the same: A green lawn. I’m writing checks and watering regularly but I expect you to manage the rest. Even if lawn mites were beyond the scope of our service agreement (they’re not), I would expect your counsel regarding treatment—even if additional charges apply—because we both want a green lawn, right? Does this sound reasonable to you?”

To his credit, Mitch did not become defensive. He agreed that my expectations were reasonable, accepted responsibility, and returned the following day to repair the damaged areas of my lawn.

When your customers have a problem, you have a problem. Rather than overlooking the issue or passing the buck to customers, accept personal responsibility and express genuine interest in resolving the problem quickly.

Doing so will leave a lasting positive impression that customers will recall (in the case of a lawn service) when rates increase, it’s time to renew their service agreements or a neighbor asks for a referral.