A restaurateur recently approached me and asked, “How can I fake that I know a customer’s name? I have a thousand regulars in my restaurant each week and can’t possibly remember all of their names.”

She was asking the wrong question. Any objective that involves faking out customers (or any form of deception) is destined to fail. Why not make a sincere effort to learn customers’ names instead?

I recognize that remembering names is not always easy. I’ll be the first to admit that I often forget a name just seconds after hearing it—especially if I’m being introduced to a group of people. Recalling names takes real effort and, for many of us, if we’re not intentional about it, we’ll miss opportunities to greet others by name.

We already know that people love hearing the sound of their own name. And when they are greeted by name, especially in a setting where they are customers, this affirms their importance as customers—and the value they bring to the business through personal spending, referrals, and loyalty.

My response to the restaurateur was this: “Rather than mislead customers by faking that you know their names, why not make the effort instead to learn them?”

I then shared with her some advice I had given to my 10-year-old son, Cole, while he was attending a tennis camp with a dozen or so peers after school. On the drive home from camp one evening, I asked Cole the name of the boy he’d been hitting with during the final drill. To my surprise, he had no idea what the boy’s name was.

When I reminded Cole that learning and using others’ names conveys respect and affirms their personal importance, he complained that there were a lot of kids and that learning all their names would be difficult.

So, together, we devised some strategies that he could use to help remember the names of all the other players at camp. We started with the names of players he already knew. There were two: Paris and Rachel. (Mmm…)

I asked him to describe Paris and he said she was tall. Then I asked him what came to mind when he thought of the name “Paris.” He said, “Paris, France.”

Next, I asked him if there was anything tall in Paris, France. He said, “The Eiffel Tower.”

Then Cole said, “I get it! To help remember her name, I will think of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France.”

Exactly! (I mentioned that this is an example of a mnemonic—or memory aid—but Cole was already thinking of a way to help remember Rachel’s name…)

Cole said, “When I see Rachel again, I’ll remember that her name is the same as my cousin Rachel in Sioux Falls!”

“That’s great Cole!” I said, “You’re using an association you’re very familiar with to help remember the name of someone you’ve recently met.”

The last suggestion I gave to Cole was to repeat the name of the person he was meeting several times during the initial introduction. For example: “Rachel? I have a cousin named Rachel. My name is Cole. Nice to meet you Rachel!”

There is no easy way to remember the names of all your customers. It takes genuine effort. But it is possible to facilitate learning names by using mnemonics (e.g., Paris is tall like the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France.), associations (e.g., Rachel has the same name as my cousin Rachel.), and repetition (i.e., Try to use the name three times during your initial introduction.).

Invest the time and effort to learn customers’ names and if you draw a blank, don’t try to fake it—be honest. Chances are that your customer may not readily recall your name either. This re-introduction will give you both a chance to reinforce each other’s names while strengthening the relationship.

How about you? What techniques help you to remember names?

It is widely acknowledged that the number one reason customers quit doing business with a company is due to perceived indifference towards them as customers.

When I ask audiences to describe what it feels like to be treated indifferently, I receive responses such as, “I feel unimportant” and “I feel as if I don’t matter.”

Customers are important and customers do matter.

If indifferent treatment is the number one problem, then it reasons that it’s also the number one opportunity.

Years ago, I read The Pursuit of Wow!, an influential book by Tom Peters. In it, he makes the following comparison between bookstore salespersons, Joe Doaks and Jane Blivens:

A customer comes to Joe’s register to check out. “Hey, I saw the book Ike and Monty: Generals at War on your shelf,” he says. “I’m reading it. It’s really great.” Joe looks at him glassily, keeps working the register, and mutters, “Uh huh” in a total and final acknowledgment.

Jane Blivens is at the register. Same customer. Same line, Ike and Monty, etc. Jane responds, “That’s great. What did you like about it?” The customer gives a 45-second description, completes the transaction, and leaves.

What has Jane done? She’s lit up the customer by paying attention.

Peters concludes: “This story is aimed at retailers (hire the Jane clones, fire the Joe look-alikes; encourage clerks to be chatty, not officious, distracted automatons). And aimed at could-be Joes and could-be Janes: Regardless of the company rules and regulations, you have enormous power, on your own, to grow—or shrivel.”

Frontline employees have a choice: Treat customers indifferently or, as Peters suggests, light them up by paying attention to them.

Opportunity is knocking during every interaction you have with customers. Don’t shrivel in their presence! Make the choice to treat customers differently—as important partners in your business who matter a great deal—and marvel as you and your business grow!

Besides paying attention to them, what are some other ways to treat customers differently?

When I received my first management position with Marriott in 1992, I worked for a general manager named Mark Conklin. Although Mark (as he preferred to be called) oversaw more than two hundred employees, each employee received a hand-written card from him in the mail to honor the anniversary of their birth.

And he didn’t merely scrawl his signature beneath a pre-printed generic “Happy Birthday!” message. He took the time to write a full paragraph that highlighted a recent contribution the employee had made to the hotel, thanked them for their commitment to excellence, and wished them a Happy Birthday!

It would have been easier for Mark to distribute the cards through interoffice mail so that employees received their cards at work but he chose to mail the cards to employees’ homes. He reasoned that the cards would be opened in front of family members and that employees could take pride in sharing the positive comments about their valuable contributions at work.

Although this was 20 years ago, I still have the handwritten notes I received from Mark on my birthday. I keep them with the memorabilia I collected during my 20 years with the company. That’s how much they meant to me.

On December 13, 2011, J.W. Marriott, Jr. announced that he was stepping down as chief executive officer of Marriott International. Arne Sorenson, chief operating officer, has long been viewed as Mr. Marriott’s successor and will assume the CEO role in March. He will be only the third CEO in the company’s 85-year history and the first from outside the Marriott family.

The stability of having Mr. Marriott in the CEO role for nearly 40 years has provided Wall Street analysts with a level of confidence—even during some tumultuous economic cycles. His presence has also assured the company’s quarter million employees that they would be treated fairly and with respect. Customers even took comfort in knowing that there was a real “Mr. Marriott” standing behind the Marriott brand.

All this will change in March when Mr. Sorenson assumes the CEO role. There will likely be a bit more scrutiny by Wall Street. Employees may become more skeptical of corporate initiatives, and customers may begin to question the company’s longstanding commitment to maintaining the high standards of product and service quality championed by the founder’s son.

Last month, when the announcement was made, I was in the process of sending holiday cards and decided to send Mr. Sorenson a card with a brief note congratulating him on his promotion. Let me be clear: I don’t know Arne Sorenson personally. In fact, I’ve never even met him. My only connection to him is that I used to work for Marriott. And I certainly never expected to hear back from him.

To my surprise, the soon-to-be CEO of a $25 billion company took the time to send me the handwritten note below thanking me for my card:

After reading Mr. Sorenson’s note, I was reminded of the birthday cards I received from Mark Conklin 20 years ago—and was reassured that Marriott is in very good hands.

What are some other actions performed by leaders that have made a lasting positive impression on you?